I’m not sure if its getting better or worse each day. I don’t quite think there even is a pattern. One day I’m ok, the next I’m a disaster. Thing is, I do try. I really do. And I want this all to be over but there’s just too many questions hanging and I haven’t been this confused all my life and it’s so messed up and this is the first time ever that I feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do or where to start even. Can you just help me figure this all out please.
I haven’t really told you about our summer family trip this year but here’s a photo of us having breakfast in Co. Carlow.
Chef: *Big smile* Good morning everyone! You must be having your holidays.
Me: Yes :)
Chef: That’s nice. So where are you all from?
Chef: *sarcastically* So you actually had that long drive to have breakfast here in Carlow? *saracastic smile*
and you think I would’ve already been used to the beauty Ireland possesses after all those years of living here 😍
We are walking on uncharted land and making our own trails. You are taking photographs of otherworldly sights and as you focus your camera on the patch of wildflowers, you see me sitting on the grass. We are in the middle of the greenest fields just beyond the calmest seas and we are looking at the clearest skies and you grab me by the hand and stand me up. You show me the nature that engulfs us and you tell me with your eyes so blue and your hand so warm that the whole world is just waiting for us. It’s always been a scary thought for me - you, me, the world. But as the wind blows brown hair away from your eyes, you silently look at me and I instantly know that you will always catch me when I trip on a tree root. You will always be supporting me by the elbows when we are going down a steep hill. You will always be standing me up when I slip on a muddy track. And as you hold my hand, I know that our skies will always go back to being at its clearest and our seas will always calm down after a storm and your eyes will always be the bluest no matter what. And your mere presence beside me assures me that yes, I am ready for the world, and you and I. I am ready for us.
Haha don’t even know what’s going on with my life anymore.
Miss you, that’s all.