We’re worlds apart, that’s true. But will you at least try to look at me? Just once, please look at me, to really look at me. Please see me, too; not only my outward appearance because you won’t really find much but me, my whole being, me. Because you know what? Yes, you are good-looking - heartbreakingly so - but what made me fall for you was you; not your smile but the way your eyes twinkle when you do, not your body but how it feels to be near you, not your touch but how warm it is, not your voice but your words, not your appearance but your mind. Maybe if you try to see me in a different light other than that girl, maybe you’ll find things in me, too. And we might not be that far apart anymore. And maybe, just maybe you’ll fall for me too. You know, just as I fell for you a long time ago. Deeply.
We were young then, and the world was against us. It didn’t matter for us though. We didn’t care how they judged and looked at us with those eyes and how they talked behind our backs. What mattered for us was that there was you and I, that we were together. We were really happy in our own little world where what only existed was the love that we so desperately fought for. The love that we thought would last forever amidst everything. We were so strong and together, we were invincible. We didn’t mind all of those for as long as we got us. Together, we were unyielding. But what happened to us? What happened to everything we fought for? What happened to our own little world? What happened to the love we once had?
Lately you’ve been distant. You’d look past me and everything on this earth. You’d stare at empty spaces and invisible wind. You’d unconsciously tap the table with this terribly annoying rhythm that makes me mad irritated. Nothing could make you concentrate on anything or anyone. Sometimes you’d stare at me blankly and it seems that there is something you want to say but you end up looking away every time. Sometimes I wonder where the sweet boy I met a couple of years ago has gone. I wonder where you have gone. It’s like I don’t know you anymore. You’ve been so different from what you were before. I don’t know what to do anymore, or if there is still something I can do to save you and bring you back to me, to our world. I’d do anything and everything, you know. I’d bring you back. I’d bring you back to our happy place and it will be like before. It will be like nothing happened. We’ll be happy again, you will be happy again. In the meantime, I’m just here beside you. I miss you, darling. Badly.
“Let’s go”, you said, then we went driving to nowhere. The windows were rolled down and my hair danced with the wind as Summer of ‘69 played on the radio. You smiled. For some reason you hated that song but you turned the volume up, blasting. You knew that that was my song. At first you just shook your head as I sang my heart out, - badly out of tune too - but as the rock anthem progressed, you started to sing along too. I was shouting all the words out, then you laughed. “Oh honey” you said as you kissed the back of my hand. Then as we passed the streetlights and the silent highway was disturbed by my horrible singing, I knew that we will last forever.
If you give me flowers, I’ll kill you. Seriously. Except maybe for sunflowers, in which case, I will just leave you half-dead.
We all have that one person we’ll always have feelings for no matter what. We move on, live our lives, but one look or a song will come on the radio and it takes you right back to that moment.
I’m not the kind of girl who wants fancy dinner and expensive dresses. I don’t want expensive gifts and extravagant surprises. I don’t expect guys to open car doors for me or carry bags for me. I’m not that kind of girl.
I would choose a homemade dinner any day over expensive restaurants. Instead of picking out my best dress and go someplace noisy, I’d rather be in my jeans and and jacket and just go road-tripping somewhere. I’d rather choose the beach over malls. I’d rather stay in than go partying somewhere. I want long, lazy talks and stargazing. I’d like surprise summer picnics at somewhere I’ve never been to. I want lazy-bumming afternoons and long walks. I want someone who could tell me every single thing in his mind when I go quiet. I’d like him to ask me what’s wrong if he thinks I’m not okay. I’d want him to hold me when I’m cold. I wouldn’t mind if he doesn’t text or call me every minute of the day; I just want to know that he’s always there.
I don’t want perfect guys because I know I’m nowhere near perfect. All I want is someone who I could get crazy with. I want someone who would shut up and just sit or lay down beside me whenever I have my PMS attacks. I wouldn’t expect things from him. I just want him to be himself whenever he’s around me. Because at the end of the day, all I want is a guy who I could be myself with - no lies, no dramas, no pretensions.